Latest posts
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America’s Newest Crime: Fighting Fires Without Papers
On August 27, 2025, as the Bear Gulch Fire raged through Washington state—thousands of acres incinerated, towns choking on smoke, families evacuating with pets stuffed into backseats—the federal government identified the real emergency. Not the wildfire consuming homes. Not the climate that breeds a new inferno each week. No, the emergency was the possibility that…
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Bruce Willis, Dementia, and America’s Fear of Aging Out of the Script
Two years after the world learned of Bruce Willis’s frontotemporal dementia (FTD) diagnosis, his wife Emma Heming Willis sat across from Diane Sawyer in a primetime special titled “Emma & Bruce Willis: The Unexpected Journey.” The title was reverent, hushed, softened by violins. And there it was: Emma saying plainly, “His brain is failing him.”…
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“Law and Order” or Martial Theater? Trump’s Crime Emergency in D.C.
On August 11, 2025, Donald J. Trump declared a “crime emergency” in Washington, D.C., and like every pageant he has ever hosted, it was less about substance than spectacle. With the flourish of a reality TV host in his twilight season, he seized control of the Metropolitan Police Department, flooded the streets with National Guard…
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Trump vs. Seth Meyers: Late Night, Last Nerve
The 2 a.m. Truth Social Serenade On August 27, 2025, Donald Trump—our forever midnight bard—logged onto Truth Social at the ungodly hour of 2 a.m. to fight the real battle of our times: Seth Meyers’ job security. Forget Ukraine, forget inflation, forget that the Colorado River is turning into a trickle—the real crisis is NBC…
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The Devil Wears Bulletproof: America’s Sacred Tradition of Gunfire at School
Ah, Minneapolis. The city of lakes, the birthplace of Prince, and now—because we clearly didn’t have enough entries in the “Things Europeans Think Are Fake But Actually Happen in America” catalog—the latest setting for that quintessentially American ritual: a school shooting. This time, we leveled up. It wasn’t a hallway. It wasn’t a cafeteria. No,…
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Not Perfect, Just Us: A 10-Month Love Story
Dear Matthew, On the eve of ten months, I’m putting it all in writing, because love deserves a record—even the messy parts, even the parts where I am not the hero of the scene. I know it’s “just” a month-iversary. I know it’s supposed to be silly. But if I’m honest, I’d celebrate every Tuesday…
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The Mustache Raid: John Bolton and the FBI’s Newest Political Opera
On August 22, 2025, FBI agents descended on John Bolton’s Bethesda home and his Washington, D.C., office. They carted off boxes while Montgomery County police stood by, politely blocking the cul-de-sac like it was the Macy’s Day Parade for subpoenas. The stated reason: investigating whether Bolton illegally possessed or shared classified information. The unstated reason:…
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Alligator Alcatraz: How to Build a Jail, Destroy an Ecosystem, and Lose in Court in Under Sixty Days
America has a long history of building things fast and regretting them faster. The Hindenburg. The Edsel. Every single Trump casino. Add to that ignominious list “Alligator Alcatraz,” the Everglades detention camp that sprouted this summer like a fungal growth on the swamp’s edge—hastily erected in eight days and now ordered dismantled in sixty. On…
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English-Only Nation: The Trump-Era War on Multilingualism, Now With Federal Endorsement
The Department of Education, in what can only be described as a masterclass in quiet cruelty, has decided that five million English learners across the country are now just a line item too expensive to justify. On August 20, 2025, the department formally rescinded the 2015 “Dear Colleague” guidance—the one that spelled out, in plain…
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Operation Irony Dome: Israel, Gaza, and the Eternal Diplomacy Musical Chairs
It’s August 20, 2025, and Israel has announced the “first steps” of an operation to take over Gaza City. Which is a polite way of saying: the IDF has pulled its boots up to the curb, ordered tens of thousands of reservists back from their poolside August vacations, and is now circling Gaza City like…