Latest posts
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Mykael Zane, Now Hiring: How a Name Can Get You Erased Before You Even Apply
I was almost named Mykael Zane Cloud. And by “almost,” I mean I was—for a hot minute. Right until my grandparents, wielding all the subtlety of a segregation-era guidance counselor, decided that name was too ethnic, too bold, too much like someone who might speak Spanish at a PTA meeting or God forbid, ask to
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I’m Skeptical of Anyone Who Tells Me Not to Take Candy from Strangers, Then Takes Me Trick or Treating
Trust issues don’t start in adulthood. They start when your mom tells you never to talk to strangers, then zips you into a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur suit and sends you door to door demanding chocolate from people you’ve never met, some of whom are literally wearing masks. “Don’t accept candy from strangers” she says on Tuesday.
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Now That’s What I Call Woke, Vol. 1.
We live in an era where everything’s being rebooted—movies, sitcoms, even cultural expectations. So why not do the same for music? Specifically, classic song lyrics. Because let’s be honest: some of these tunes didn’t age like fine wine. They aged like milk left in a hot car while catcalling a woman on her lunch break.
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Strait Outta Options: Iran Votes to Shut Down the Strait of Hormuz, Trump Shuts Down Logic, and We’re All Just Along for the Ride
It’s Sunday, June 22, 2025. While half the country is at church pretending they didn’t black out at Applebee’s karaoke last night, I’m sitting here sipping my third Diet Dr. Pepper of the morning and trying to emotionally process the fact that the Strait of Hormuz will be closed and we’re apparently doing Iran War,
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To the Middle East, with Bombs: As Iran Burns, Trump’s Cabinet and Republican Congress Prepare Us for World War III with Vibes and Vague Resumes
As major U.S. cities hunker down in anticipation of retaliatory terror attacks after the administration’s impromptu fireworks display over Iranian nuclear sites, let us take a moment—just a brief, reflective pause—to remember that America’s current terror prevention strategy is now in the capable hands of a 22-year-old former grocery store cashier who once weed-whacked a
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America’s Next Top Solution: How Reality Shows Could Fix Society’s Problems
Imagine a world where Congress is replaced by contestants in sequins, Supreme Court rulings come down to who gets the final rose, and infrastructure funding is determined by who can survive the most eliminations on a beach with zero electricity and twelve influencers. If this sounds absurd, ask yourself: is it really any worse than
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Bombs First, Congress Later: Trump’s Strikes on Iran Break the Rules (Again)
On June 21, 2025, President Donald Trump announced via Truth Social that the United States had conducted “a very successful attack” on three Iranian nuclear sites—Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan. In the post, he proudly confirmed that a “full payload of bombs” had been dropped on the Fordow facility, and that all U.S. warplanes had exited
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The Art of Small Talk (and Why I Sometimes Use It for Chaos)
My grandfather never met a stranger. I used to think it was just a West Texas thing, but no—it was a him thing. Whether it was the cashier at the grocery store or a couple making out in a parking lot, he had a way of wading into their lives, feet first, like he already
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The Top 10 Places No One Should Visit, Ever (Sorry, But Not Really)
Some cities are called hidden gems. Others should stay hidden like cursed relics sealed away for humanity’s protection. And yet, against all reason, people still book flights, plan road trips, and willingly subject themselves to places that radiate the energy of expired milk and sadness. Whether it’s toxic humidity, questionable locals, political decay, or the
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Call JD Vance Anything But Competent: The Curious Case of “Jose Padilla”
Once upon a time, in a country that hadn’t completely surrendered to chaos, calling a sitting U.S. Senator by the wrong name—say, calling Senator Alex Padilla “Jose”—might have warranted an apology. Maybe even a headline. Maybe especially if it came from the newly minted Vice President of the United States. But in today’s America, where