Latest posts
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When Science Meets Conspiracy: The CDC’s New Vaccine Variety Hour
If you ever wanted to watch the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reinvent itself as a cross between a daytime talk show and a flat-earth convention, congratulations: September 18, 2025 delivered. Picture it—a fluorescent-lit conference room in Atlanta, where a panel once devoted to quiet, data-heavy immunization schedules has been rebranded as the CDC’s…
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The American Love Affair With ARs: From Domestic Disputes to Funeral Processions
A Familiar Script Another day, another “isolated incident” that looks exactly like every other one. A young man, a domestic violence record, a weapon designed for war, and a police force walking into a house in North Codorus Township. The ending, like all the others, is a chalk outline in triplicate. Three detectives dead, two…
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Meta Wants to Live in Your Eyeballs Now
Welcome to the Eye Economy Mark Zuckerberg took the stage at Meta Connect in Menlo Park and unveiled his latest plan to colonize the human face. Forget the metaverse graveyard; this year the pitch is three new AI glasses, because apparently the only thing keeping us from blissful techno-nirvana was strapping a HUD to our…
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Shutdown Theater: Now With More Subsidies and Security Funds!
Welcome back to Washington, America’s longest-running soap opera, where every September the same plotline airs: Will the government shut down? Will Speaker [insert name here, they rotate faster than NFL quarterbacks] hold the caucus together? Will Chuck Schumer furrow his brows meaningfully? And will anyone, at any point, think about the millions of actual humans…
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The Party of Free Speech Wants a Muzzle—As Long as It’s for You
Ah, yes. The brave defenders of free speech. The warriors against cancel culture. The self-styled martyrs of the “say what you want, snowflake” movement. They’ve spent years assuring us that America needs to be a safe space—for their offensive jokes, for their racist uncle’s Facebook rants, for their senator’s homophobic tweets typed at 3 a.m.…
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Brian Kilmeade and the “Just Kill ’Em” Doctrine: Fox News Accidentally Says the Quiet Part Louder
If satire is dead, Brian Kilmeade personally strangled it on live television when he suggested, with all the seriousness of a man discussing football stats, that unhoused people with mental illness should receive “involuntary lethal injections.” His actual phrasing—“just kill ’em”—landed with the thud of a guillotine blade hitting the stage floor of Fox &…
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The Charlie Kirk Narrative Smells Like Yesterday’s Fox News Leftovers
Not a Conspiracy Theorist, Just a Smell Test Enthusiast I don’t wear tin foil hats. I don’t subscribe to newsletters about the Denver Airport being a Masonic portal to lizard people. I am not a conspiracy theorist. I follow the facts wherever they lead, even if they lead me to deeply inconvenient places like “Charlie…
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The Blessing and Curse of Yelp Health Scores
There are few things more American than combining capitalism, technology, and shame. Enter Yelp health scores: the best invention in modern dining, and also the absolute worst. It’s the digital equivalent of peeking behind the kitchen door and realizing that your artisanal avocado toast was prepared six inches away from a cockroach the size of…
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Twenty-Four Years Later: What We Should Have Learned from 9/11 (But Absolutely Didn’t)
The anniversary of September 11 rolls around every year like a fire alarm that no one bothers to silence anymore. We stop, we remember, we replay the grainy footage in our minds, and then—like a nation addicted to selective amnesia—we forget the one lesson we were supposed to have learned: unity. Not unity as in…
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Charlie Kirk Assassination was a Travesty but Spare Us the Martyrdom
First, the only thing that should be easy to say I don’t condone political violence from anyone, toward anyone. A man was killed while speaking, a family lost their person, and that is a human tragedy before it is a headline. Full stop. It deserves grief, not grift. It deserves time to breathe, not instant…