Latest posts
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Operation Catahoula Crunch: The Department of Homeland Security Brings Holiday Fear to the Big Easy
When the “Big Easy” becomes the “Big Empty,” you know the circus has come to town, but this time the parade floats are unmarked vans and the beads are handcuffs. The sun rose over New Orleans this morning to a parade nobody ordered. Usually, when vehicles crawl through these streets at a walking pace, there
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The Real Housewives of the House Republican Conference: A Play in Three Acts of Self-Destruction
If you want to understand the current state of the Republican Party, do not look at their policy papers. Do not listen to their speeches about fiscal discipline or the sanctity of the border. Instead, imagine a community theater production of Julius Caesar directed by a substitute teacher who has lost control of the classroom,
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Pete Hegseth Should Have Stuck With Fox News
When the chain of command becomes a group chat, the only thing securing the nation is the battery life of Pete Hegseth’s iPhone. The modern theatre of war is no longer a dimly lit room filled with cigarette smoke and maps pushed around by grim-faced men in uniform. It is not the hushed, sterile environment
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Cabinet Meeting of the Living Dead: A Seventy-Two Hour Autopsy
When the President invents eighteen trillion dollars and then falls asleep, you know it’s Tuesday. The federal government has always been, at its core, a theater of the absurd, but the last seventy-two hours have transcended mere farce and entered the realm of avant-garde performance art. We just witnessed a Cabinet meeting that functioned less
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The Canary Just Coughed Up Blood: Why a “Safe” Seat in Tennessee Is the GOP’s Chernobyl
When a twenty-two point lead shrinks to single digits, you don’t pop champagne; you check the foundation for termites. In the grandiose, self-mythologizing atlas of the Republican Party, Tennessee’s 7th Congressional District is supposed to be a fortress. It is drawn with the kind of jagged, protective geometry that ensures a generic conservative can sleepwalk
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The Remigration Proclamation: A Sermon from the Ministry of Purgation
On a day usually reserved for quiet reflection or ignoring the news cycle, Donald Trump decided to offer a benediction. He did not issue a bland statement about unity or national strength. Instead, he logged onto Truth Social and drafted what can only be described as a declaration of war against fifty-three million people, disguised
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The Emperor Has No Stamina: How the “High Energy” Presidency Became a Part-Time Job
The defining myth of Donald Trump’s political existence has always been a biological impossibility. He sold us the idea that he was a genetic marvel, a man who required no sleep, subsisted on fast food, and possessed a battery life that defied the laws of thermodynamics. He mocked his opponents as “low energy,” “sleepy,” and
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Gratitude in the Blast Zone: A Love Letter to Matthew, Chemo, Chihuahuas, and the Art of Not Dying in Texas
We are told to be thankful for the big things: health, family, the roof over our heads. But this year, in the twilight of 2025, I find myself offering a quiet, fervent prayer to Beyonce and Lady Gaga of gratitude for something far more specific, something that doesn’t fit neatly on a Hallmark card. I
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We Believe in Second Helpings, Not Second Chances
The defining ritual of the American Thanksgiving is the gluttonous pivot. It is that precise, lubricated moment when the belt is loosened, the first plate is cleared, and a collective, national decision is made that excess is not a sin but a patriotic duty. We pile the mashed potatoes high enough to require zoning permits.
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The Politics of the Kids’ Table: A Survival Guide for the Holidays
The cranberry sauce is shaped like the can. The turkey is dry enough to be used as attic insulation. The tension in the room is vibrating at a frequency usually reserved for bomb disposal units or hostage negotiations. Welcome to Thanksgiving in America. We are gathered here today to worship at the altar of “Family