Latest posts
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The Eternal Gravity of Shit: Why Hierarchy Is Humanity’s Favorite Hobby
We like to tell ourselves that human beings are noble, empathetic creatures. We write novels about kindness, sing songs about love, build religions around compassion. But spend thirty seconds in line at Starbucks or thirty minutes Doordashing lukewarm Chipotle to someone in yoga pants, and the truth hits you in the face like a soggy…
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The Blessing and Curse of Yelp Health Scores
There are few things more American than combining capitalism, technology, and shame. Enter Yelp health scores: the best invention in modern dining, and also the absolute worst. It’s the digital equivalent of peeking behind the kitchen door and realizing that your artisanal avocado toast was prepared six inches away from a cockroach the size of…
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My Predictions for the 77th Primetime Emmys
Every year, the Emmys give us an opportunity to reflect not just on the television that entertained us, but the television that defined the cultural conversation. Some shows break through because they’re technically brilliant. Others linger because they captured a mood or gave us characters we couldn’t stop talking about. This year, the ballots feel…
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The Assassination of Charlie Kirk and the GOP’s Talent for Pouring Gasoline on a Fire They Started
The Fox & Friends Grief Circus Charlie Kirk was assassinated on September 10 while speaking at Utah Valley University. A 22-year-old, Tyler James Robinson, is charged with aggravated murder, reportedly firing a bolt-action rifle from 200 yards away. Police say his own family identified him. The shell casings were allegedly etched with inflammatory messages, because…
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SNL Says Goodbye to Ego Nwodim and Hello to the Eternal Lorne Michaels Hunger Games
Seven Years, One Exit Post, and a Cast in Perpetual Revolt Ego Nwodim did what every modern celebrity does when it’s time to move on: she opened Instagram, wrote “unforgettable” in italics, and announced she was leaving Saturday Night Live after seven seasons. Seven years of wigs, cue cards, and sketches that hit about as…
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Charlie Kirk Assassination was a Travesty but Spare Us the Martyrdom
First, the only thing that should be easy to say I don’t condone political violence from anyone, toward anyone. A man was killed while speaking, a family lost their person, and that is a human tragedy before it is a headline. Full stop. It deserves grief, not grift. It deserves time to breathe, not instant…
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Tom Hanks, the Wokest Man Alive: How America Lost Its War Against Niceness
Once upon a time, the biggest threat Tom Hanks posed to national security was making every American cry in unison. Whether storming Omaha Beach or talking to a volleyball, Hanks specialized in weaponized empathy. He was our cinematic dad, our comfort-food patriot, the guy who could make a two-and-a-half-hour movie about the postal service (The…
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The Supreme Court Greenlights Guesswork Policing (or How to Arrest Someone for Existing in Spanish)
The U.S. Supreme Court once again demonstrated its uncanny ability to treat the Bill of Rights like IKEA instructions: skimmed, misread, and discarded in the recycling bin because who has time for nuance when there are “emergency dockets” to clear. In a 6–3 order, the Court stayed a Los Angeles federal judge’s restraining order that…
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The Billion-Dollar Curse (or How to Win Powerball and Lose Your Soul)
The Powerball jackpot is back in the headlines, bloated to an eye-watering $1.8 billion—the second-largest in U.S. history. Cable anchors are giddy, bodega clerks are rolling their eyes, and somewhere in the distance you can hear Dave Ramsey prepping a sermon about why you should’ve invested that $2 instead. But let’s say you buy the…
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When Right Eats Right: Newsmax, Fox, and the Great Conservative Antitrust Cage Match
On September 3, 2025, Newsmax decided that if you can’t beat Fox in ratings, you might as well sue them for antitrust violations. The conservative underdog filed a scorched-earth complaint in the Southern District of Florida, accusing Fox Corp. and Fox News of monopolizing the right-leaning TV news market for years. The laundry list of…