Latest posts
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The Curious Case of Convenient Amnesia: A Political Drama in Three Acts (and Several Subpoenas)
There are certain phrases that set off alarm bells in the American psyche: “new variant,” “Taylor Swift drops surprise album,” and of course, “bipartisan interest in the Jeffrey Epstein case.” That last one? That’s our national Bat-Signal for someone’s sweating in a congressional back room while texting their lawyer in Morse code. Because nothing unites
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Unpacking the “One Big Beautiful Bill”: How Congress Plans to Save You (and By You, We Mean Billionaires)
Ah, the smell of freshly printed legislation. Notes of performative optimism, charred loopholes, and a faint aftertaste of lobbyist cologne. Congress has emerged from its biannual nap to deliver what they’re calling the “One Big Beautiful Bill”—a tax and spending package so shiny, so sweeping, it’s practically Botox for the economy. But like most things
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Second Term, Second Verse: Dumber, Meaner, Somehow More Orange
Let’s begin this enchanted retread with a little déjà vu: Donald J. Trump, once again sitting in the Oval Office—this time without even pretending to read the Constitution. It’s not a reboot, friends. It’s a bloated sequel nobody asked for, written by Facebook uncles and powered by supply chain rage, Bud Light boycotts, and the
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Trump Hints at Firing Fed Chair, Markets Panic, Jerome Powell Googles “Jobs That Don’t Require Therapy”
In today’s episode of “Presidential Whiplash: Economic Edition,” the U.S. stock market took a nosedive, recovered slightly, then panic-tangoed in place after former President Donald Trump casually floated the idea of firing Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell—before later adding he “probably won’t.” The Dow responded by doing a full emotional breakdown, the Nasdaq lit a
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Artificial Intelligence, Natural Stupidity: Trump’s $70 Billion Energy Plan Sparks National Migraine
In what political analysts are calling “the greatest leap forward since the invention of the flashlight app,” President Donald J. Trump is expected to unveil a “tremendous, historic, not-at-all-made-up” $70 billion investment package focused on artificial intelligence and energy. The announcement will be made at the Pennsylvania Energy Innovation Summit, which—despite the name—is being held
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Budget Cuts and Band-Aids: How to Save America by Abandoning Everyone Else
In a bold display of cost-cutting patriotism, the Senate has advanced President Trump’s request to trim a casual $9 billion off the federal budget—a move that mostly affects programs you didn’t realize were saving lives until yesterday’s headlines told you they might vanish. Among the financial casualties: foreign aid, public broadcasting, and—because irony is apparently
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Tariff Tantrum: When Inflation Met Its Orange Crush
In which America pays more for everything but the dignity it already lost In a surprise to absolutely no economists anywhere, inflation accelerated in June like a toddler on a Red Bull drip—rising 2.7% from a year earlier. Why? Well, one might look at the implementation of Trump’s fresh batch of tariffs and say, “Ah,
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BREAKING: Earth Officially Enters the “Too Many Named Storms” Era
Well folks, we’ve done it. We now have two, count ’em, two tropical storms churning on either side of Mexico. Say hello to Barry and Flossie—which, incidentally, also sound like the names of your retired Florida grandparents who just discovered Facebook and now share nothing but minion memes and vague threats about “what’s coming for
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Stop Waiting for Lisa Murkowski & Susan Collins to Save You – They’re Not Coming
BREAKING: Lisa Murkowski has once again voted to advance a Republican bill that has all the charm of a flaming trash barge drifting through civil rights. And somewhere in Maine, Susan Collins is furrowing her brow so hard it may finally snap in half. She’s “deeply concerned,” y’all—probably writing another strongly worded Post-it note to
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The Big Beautiful Bill: Not Big, Not Beautiful, Not Bill Clinton’s
Let me tell you about The Big Beautiful Bill—the piece of legislation that sounds like a gay brunch revue in Miami but is actually Congress’s latest attempt to duct tape a failing system with something halfway resembling a policy. You’ve probably heard it touted by your uncle who still uses “woke” as a slur or