Latest posts
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Fast Food, Faster Judgments, and the Full-Time Hustle of Love
There’s something mildly dystopian and wildly romantic about the fact that Matthew and I have become part-time food couriers in a town where Texas Roadhouse still considers itself haute cuisine. Uber Eats. DoorDash. Roadside therapy with a side of queso. When he got to Abilene, we knew we wanted time together. And we knew we
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Bootylicious but Make It Denim: Beyoncé Reinvents the Levi’s Ad and Possibly Capitalism
Somewhere between a biblical soft launch and a Y2K fever dream, Beyoncé has risen again—this time not in a sequined bodysuit or Renaissance tour disco horse, but in a pair of Levi’s. And not just any Levi’s, mind you. Beyoncé doesn’t “just” wear jeans. She manifests them. She anoints them. She places her cosmic behind
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Silence of the Stern: The $500 Million Whisper at the End of the Dial
Howard Stern’s contract with SiriusXM, ending in 2025, faces uncertainty as the company considers not renewing it amid dwindling subscriptions and shifting media landscapes. Once a revolutionary figure in radio, Stern’s expensive legacy now seems misaligned with modern content preferences, reflecting a broader decline of traditional audio platforms in an evolving industry.
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You’re Fired: Trump Finds the Real Culprit Behind America’s Job Woes (Hint: It’s Not Capitalism)
In a surprising twist that shocked absolutely no one, former President Donald J. Trump has once again taken bold, decisive, and entirely unhinged action against the greatest threat to American prosperity: math. Specifically, the kind of math that results in job reports that make him look bad. Following a “disappointing” economic update, which revealed that
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Gen Z Lives at Home Because They’re Smart, Not Lazy—And Also Because Rent Is a Crime Now
Let’s all take a deep breath and thank Generation Z. No, not for their TikTok dances or the fact that they somehow revived low-rise jeans, but for refusing to play the rigged Monopoly game we keep handing them and asking, “Why don’t you just buy Boardwalk?” They’re not buying Boardwalk. They’re moving back into Marvin
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The Future of Work Is Bleak, Unregulated, and Happily Branded as “Freedom”
Welcome to 2025, where the American Dream has been converted into a 1099 form and a Slack notification. The office is dead, the commute is optional, and your job description now includes “personal brand ambassador” and “self-motivated hope archaeologist.” Let’s talk about the “future of work,” shall we? A phrase that once conjured images of
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The Ghislaine Games: Now Streaming on the Delusion Network
Ghislaine Maxwell, former jet-set socialite turned convicted sex trafficker turned “spiritual wellness enthusiast” (her words, allegedly), has now completed her two-day interview with Justice Department officials. That’s right—two whole days to unload the receipts of a multi-decade global child trafficking ring. Either she talks faster than Gilmore Girls on cocaine, or someone left half the
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America Redefines “Public Benefits” to Mean “Not for You” — Immigration Policy Just Got a Rebrand
This week, the U.S. government took a long, squinting look at the phrase “public benefits” and said, “What if… we didn’t?” In a move so bureaucratically cruel it could’ve been dreamed up by a focus group trapped in a DMV at gunpoint, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has officially expanded the definition
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Trump Shares AI Mugshots of Obama After Declassified Docs Drop, Nation Wonders If Reality Has Been PARDONED
This week, reality got redacted, deepfaked, and re-released as a partisan reboot. Newly declassified documents—courtesy of Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, who has apparently pivoted from anti-war progressive to cosplay intelligence officer—suggest that elements of the Obama administration allegedly ‘manufactured’ intelligence to justify the Trump-Russia probe in 2016. The documents are already being hailed