Latest posts
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Born at the Wrong Time (Except for All That Oppression)
You ever sit back, stare out a window, and think, “Damn. Maybe I was just born in the wrong era”? I do. Frequently. Especially when I’m writing—something I love, something that used to mean something, back when people consumed the written word instead of TikTok montages of people lip-syncing relationship drama that never happened. I
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Why I Write: A Totally Reasonable, Not-At-All-Desperate Manifesto of Emotional Chaos and Delusions of Immortality
Someone recently asked me why I write. Just a casual question. Like “What’s your Starbucks order?” or “Do you think the apocalypse will be AI or climate-based?” And after initially wanting to answer with a vague “Because it’s cheaper than therapy,” I realized… no, this is actually a rich and layered question. So I dug
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Make It Work, Darling: My Love Letter to the Gloriously Deranged World of Project Runway
There are few things in life that bring me as much chaotic joy as Project Runway. I could be deep in an existential spiral, questioning the state of the world, my life, or why I always forget to defrost the chicken—and suddenly, like a rhinestoned angel from Bravo past, Tim Gunn whispers, “Make it work,”
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Bee-yond the Beard: Why Food Awards Matter and Who’s Really Stirring the Pot
Once upon a time, if a chef wanted to be taken seriously, they had to toil quietly in the kitchen, perfecting duck à l’orange, whispering sweet nothings to soufflés, and praying some mysterious, trench coat-wearing Michelin inspector would bless their establishment with a star or two (or three, if they had made some sort of
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Therapy Speak, But Make It Texan
Setting boundaries, y’all. With a side of queso. Welcome to the dusty crossroads of emotional healing and Southern hospitality, where therapy-speak gets run through a wood chipper of “Well, sugar, we don’t talk about that at the dinner table” and comes out the other side wrapped in a casserole dish. If you’ve ever tried to
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America’s Next Top Solution: How Reality Shows Could Fix Society’s Problems
Imagine a world where Congress is replaced by contestants in sequins, Supreme Court rulings come down to who gets the final rose, and infrastructure funding is determined by who can survive the most eliminations on a beach with zero electricity and twelve influencers. If this sounds absurd, ask yourself: is it really any worse than
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Lassie Was the Real Menace: An Exposé on Classic Characters We Shouldn’t Have Trusted
Look, I’m not saying Lassie is a sociopath. But I’m also not not saying it. For years, the beloved collie has been hailed as the paragon of loyalty, intelligence, and tail-wagging heroism. Every week, she was dragging her shaggy little boots across farmland and throwing dramatic looks toward camera operators in a silent plea to
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The Art of the No-War War: Trump orders the U.S. Military to bomb Iran
On June 21, 2025, President Donald J. Trump took to Truth Social—America’s favorite unhinged group chat with fonts—to announce that the U.S. military had completed a “very successful attack” on three Iranian nuclear sites. And by “successful,” he of course meant in the same way your uncle “successfully” fixes the toilet but leaves the bathroom
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Donald Trump Deserves the Nobel Peace Prize—and These 13 Other Awards, Apparently
Donald Trump recently declared that he “deserves” the Nobel Peace Prize. Because nothing says ambassador of peace like inciting a coup, cozying up to dictators, and trying to nuke a hurricane. But hey, if we’re handing out global honors like party favors, why stop there? Let’s give the man all the awards—actual, prestigious, internationally recognized
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Colorado Man Re-Indicted in Wife’s 2020 Murder: What to Know
Five years after Suzanne Morphew vanished on Mother’s Day 2020, her husband, Barry Morphew, is once again facing charges—this time backed by new forensic evidence, a recovered body, and a reassembled timeline investigators believe finally points to murder. The case, long a source of media attention and legal frustration, has taken a dramatic turn that