Latest posts
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Trump Tries To Buy a Congressman, But the Congressman Is A Better Con Man
The President thought he was purchasing a party switch with a pardon, but he forgot that in Texas, you take the cattle and leave the cowboy holding the rope. There is a specific, grimy elegance to the way Donald Trump approaches the presidency. He does not view it as a constitutional office or a sacred
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Comey: The DOJ Just Got Locked Out of Its Own Evidence Locker
When you raid a lawyer’s iCloud without reading the Fourth Amendment first, you end up with a restraining order and a very embarrassing weekend. It is a rare and beautiful thing to watch the Department of Justice trip over its own shoelaces in slow motion. Usually, the DOJ is the juggernaut, the unmovable object that
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The Battle of Suriname: How We Saved Ohio from a Boat Headed to the Netherlands
The White House promised us they were stopping a direct threat to the homeland, but it turns out they were just interdicting a shipment for the Amsterdam party scene with a Hellfire missile. Geography has never been a strong suit of the American empire. We have a long and storied history of confusing one desert
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The Real Housewives of the House Republican Conference: A Play in Three Acts of Self-Destruction
If you want to understand the current state of the Republican Party, do not look at their policy papers. Do not listen to their speeches about fiscal discipline or the sanctity of the border. Instead, imagine a community theater production of Julius Caesar directed by a substitute teacher who has lost control of the classroom,
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The Canary Just Coughed Up Blood: Why a “Safe” Seat in Tennessee Is the GOP’s Chernobyl
When a twenty-two point lead shrinks to single digits, you don’t pop champagne; you check the foundation for termites. In the grandiose, self-mythologizing atlas of the Republican Party, Tennessee’s 7th Congressional District is supposed to be a fortress. It is drawn with the kind of jagged, protective geometry that ensures a generic conservative can sleepwalk
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The Red Fortress Leak: Why a Tennessee “Squeaker” Is the GOP’s Worst Nightmare
When a twenty-point lead evaporates into the margin of error, it is no longer an election but a structural stress test for a party running on fumes. In the sanitized, color-coded maps of American political strategy, certain districts are not supposed to be battlegrounds. They are supposed to be fiefdoms. They are the deep-red bastions
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The MRI of Dorian Gray: A Medical Mystery Tour in the Age of Trump
We have reached the stage of the American presidency that can best be described as “Medical Gaslighting as Performance Art.” It is a genre of political theater where the lead actor is clearly limping, the makeup is applied with a trowel to hide the pallor, and the press office insists that the audience is hallucinating
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The Kingpin’s Pardon: Why the War on Drugs Only Applies to People Without a Motorcade
The American capacity for cognitive dissonance is usually impressive. It is the engine that keeps the suburbs quiet and the stock market humming. But on November 28, 2025, President Donald Trump decided to test the structural integrity of that engine by pouring sugar, sand, and a few gallons of high-grade cocaine directly into the gas
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The Remigration Proclamation: A Sermon from the Ministry of Purgation
On a day usually reserved for quiet reflection or ignoring the news cycle, Donald Trump decided to offer a benediction. He did not issue a bland statement about unity or national strength. Instead, he logged onto Truth Social and drafted what can only be described as a declaration of war against fifty-three million people, disguised
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The Emperor Has No Stamina: How the “High Energy” Presidency Became a Part-Time Job
The defining myth of Donald Trump’s political existence has always been a biological impossibility. He sold us the idea that he was a genetic marvel, a man who required no sleep, subsisted on fast food, and possessed a battery life that defied the laws of thermodynamics. He mocked his opponents as “low energy,” “sleepy,” and