Latest posts
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The One-Vote Miracle: How Ilhan Omar Survived the House Thought Police
The censure of Ilhan Omar was supposed to be a slam dunk. It had all the ingredients the Republican caucus adores: an immigrant woman of color, a Muslim, an outspoken progressive, and a social media post they could contort into the crime of the century. The House floor was primed for the ritual humiliation—strip her
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First They Came for Free Speech: Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and America’s Fascist Curtain Call
Picture this: you’re sitting on your couch, remote in hand, waiting for Jimmy Kimmel to make a joke about Marjorie Taylor Greene’s latest word salad. Instead, you’re greeted by a rerun of one of their other really shitty shows—not because ABC thinks pratfalls are funnier than politics, but because the Federal Communications Commission, under Brendan
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Newsom vs. Grandpa Trump: California Declares a Code Red
A Rally Instead of a Requiem California Governor Gavin Newsom has finally embraced his destiny as the Democratic Party’s loudest hype man. Forget policy briefings or sleepy pressers—this week he staged something closer to a revival tent. A rally, a roast, and a roadmap rolled into one. In the shadow of Charlie Kirk’s assassination, while
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Kash Patel’s Senate Hearing: When Oversight Becomes Cage Match
The Director in the Hot Seat The FBI director is supposed to radiate calm authority. Buttoned-up, even boring. Kash Patel did not get the memo. At his Senate Judiciary oversight hearing, Patel delivered spectacle instead of stability—part wrestling promo, part courtroom drama, part Fox primetime audition. Patel denied politicizing the bureau, denied purging Trump critics,
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The Half-Mast Presidency: Selective Empathy as a National Ritual
Flags for Some, Not for Others There is nothing quite as American as fighting about flags. We argue about who can kneel before them, who can burn them, whether rainbows belong on them, and now—who gets the honor of lowering them. President Donald Trump ordered U.S. flags lowered nationwide for Charlie Kirk. A right-wing commentator
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Shutdown Theater: Now With More Subsidies and Security Funds!
Welcome back to Washington, America’s longest-running soap opera, where every September the same plotline airs: Will the government shut down? Will Speaker [insert name here, they rotate faster than NFL quarterbacks] hold the caucus together? Will Chuck Schumer furrow his brows meaningfully? And will anyone, at any point, think about the millions of actual humans
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The Charlie Kirk Narrative Smells Like Yesterday’s Fox News Leftovers
Not a Conspiracy Theorist, Just a Smell Test Enthusiast I don’t wear tin foil hats. I don’t subscribe to newsletters about the Denver Airport being a Masonic portal to lizard people. I am not a conspiracy theorist. I follow the facts wherever they lead, even if they lead me to deeply inconvenient places like “Charlie
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Groypers, Grievances, and the Great MAGA Family Reunion
Every political movement develops factions. The Bolsheviks had Mensheviks, the Catholics had Protestants, the Beatles had Yoko. But no coalition fractures quite like the MAGAverse, which has managed to stuff twelve different ideological cliques into one red hat—and none of them particularly like each other. If the Republican Party used to be a country club,
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Kash Patel’s FBI: Now With 30% More Chaos and 0% More Competence
The Worst Week at the Bureau It only took seven days for Kash Patel to make J. Edgar Hoover look like an Excel spreadsheet. On September 11, Patel stood before cameras and wrongly announced that Charlie Kirk’s assassin was “in custody.” The killer was not, in fact, in custody. By the end of the news
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Trump’s Traveling Roadshow of Troops: Now Appearing in Memphis
Donald Trump has always treated the presidency like a touring act—part reality show, part casino floor, part authoritarian cosplay. And on September 12, 2025, he added a new stop on the circuit: Memphis. The big announcement? He’s deploying the National Guard to patrol its streets. Not because Memphis asked for it, not because crime is