Latest posts
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Anderson Allison Cooper and the Enriched Delusion: A Very Stable Tantrum
So here’s to Allison Cooper. May your poise forever expose the chaos. May your reporting cut through the noise. And may your very existence continue to make old men in red hats clutch their pearls harder than their Russian passports.
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Bomb, Boast, Blame: Trump’s Favorite Wartime Tradition Is Turning on His Own
You can always tell a Trump presidency is back in full swing when he drops bombs one day and burns bridges the next. After launching a surprise airstrike on Iranian nuclear facilities—without Congressional approval and with all the subtlety of a toddler with a matchbook—Trump took a victory lap so wide it flattened anyone who
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Now That’s What I Call Woke, Vol. 1.
We live in an era where everything’s being rebooted—movies, sitcoms, even cultural expectations. So why not do the same for music? Specifically, classic song lyrics. Because let’s be honest: some of these tunes didn’t age like fine wine. They aged like milk left in a hot car while catcalling a woman on her lunch break.
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Operation Midnight Hammer, Grindr username or military operation, and a President Who Skipped Congress
I’m fairly certain I chatted on Grindr with a guy named “Midnight Hammer,” before I met Matthew. We never met, but the username stuck with me. So imagine my surprise when I woke up to the news that Operation Midnight Hammer was the official name of the U.S. bombing campaign that just leveled multiple Iranian
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Hillary Clinton Climbed the Ladder, Kamala Harris Built a New One, Trump Fell Down the Stairs and Still Got the Job
In the grand pageant of American exceptionalism, where mediocrity wears a red tie and yells about dishwashers, it was perhaps inevitable that we’d hand the nuclear codes to a man whose most impressive résumé item was yelling “You’re fired!” on NBC. Twice now, we’ve watched the electorate (and let’s be honest, the Electoral College’s interpretive
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America’s Next Top Solution: How Reality Shows Could Fix Society’s Problems
Imagine a world where Congress is replaced by contestants in sequins, Supreme Court rulings come down to who gets the final rose, and infrastructure funding is determined by who can survive the most eliminations on a beach with zero electricity and twelve influencers. If this sounds absurd, ask yourself: is it really any worse than
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Donald Trump Deserves the Nobel Peace Prize—and These 13 Other Awards, Apparently
Donald Trump recently declared that he “deserves” the Nobel Peace Prize. Because nothing says ambassador of peace like inciting a coup, cozying up to dictators, and trying to nuke a hurricane. But hey, if we’re handing out global honors like party favors, why stop there? Let’s give the man all the awards—actual, prestigious, internationally recognized
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Elon Musk Declares War on Knowledge, Armed Only with Ego and a Lobotomized AI
Just when you thought Elon Musk couldn’t get any more chaotic, he opens his intergalactic mouth and says—no, tweets—that Grok 3.5 (or 4, or whatever number he’s feeling that day) will “rewrite the entire corpus of human knowledge.” Not update it. Not improve it. Rewrite it. With “advanced reasoning,” which in Muskland apparently means Reddit-level
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Trump Might Start World War III, But Imagine the Horror of Kamala Harris and Her Free Healthcare Agenda
So, Donald Trump is back in the Oval Office, tan lines deepening, hair defying physics, and nuclear codes resting comfortably next to his Diet Coke button. The man is currently eyeballing Iran like it’s a golf course he can bulldoze, muttering things like “We’re gonna do something big, folks. Huge. Maybe even explosive.” And while
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Five Months In: The Trumpocalypse Speedrun Nobody Asked For
Well, folks, we’ve done it. We’ve hit the five-month mark of the second Trump presidency, and let me just say: what an overachiever. Most administrations take years to reach full authoritarian collapse, but this one? We’re talking collapse by Memorial Day. If this presidency were a movie, it’d be Mad Max: Mar-a-Lago. Let’s start with