Latest posts
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Elon Musk Launches the “America Party”: Season 42 of the U.S. Soap Opera
Ok, so now Elon Musk—yes, that Elon Musk—has officially launched a third political party in the U.S. It’s called the America Party, and if you’re wondering what spurred this: it’s the same billionaire who helped bankroll Trump’s 2024 campaign… now suddenly deciding he’s had a change of heart because Trump passed a spending bill that
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The Big Beautiful Bill: Signed, Sealed, and Ready to Strangle Democracy in the Parking Lot of a Golden Corral
July 4, 2025 – Washington, D.C. (formerly known as the seat of democracy, now mostly just a themed escape room with worse puzzles) Happy Independence Day, America.While you’re lighting sparklers and dodging Uncle Randy’s racist fireworks rants, the government is signing its final love letter to authoritarianism—The Big Beautiful Bill. That’s not satire. That’s what
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Happy 4th of July! The Country’s Already on Fire—Might as Well Add Fireworks
Ah, Independence Day. That one time of year when we gather ‘round gas grills, wave flags made in China, and celebrate “freedom” by launching flaming projectiles into the nearest drought-stricken field. Because nothing screams liberty like sparklers in one hand and existential dread in the other. We’re told it’s a patriotic tradition. But let’s call
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Alligator Alcatraz: Florida’s Wetlands Warden School for Migrants
In the latest episode of political “creative thinking,” Florida officials have unveiled Alligator Alcatraz, a high-security immigration detention camp nestled in the Everglades—where the natural wildlife doubles as the unwitting bouncer. Think luxurious wetlands meets mandatory jungle gym… except the gym is populated with pythons and reptiles ready to RSVP to any escape attempt. tampabay.com+15thecut.com+15fox5dc.com+15
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BREAKING: Supreme Court Declares Porn Still Legal—But Only If It’s Emotionally Repressed and Filmed in a Cornfield
InIn a landmark 6-3 ruling destined to give abstinence-only health teachers a throbbing sense of purpose, the U.S. Supreme Court has sided against the adult entertainment industry in a First Amendment case so naked in its implications, even C-SPAN blushed. The ruling stems from Freedom of Expression vs. The Entire State of Utah, a lawsuit
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Pete Hegseth’s Press Conference Proves the Trump Administration Thinks Journalists Are Just Disobedient Interns With Bad Attitudes
Recently, Pete Hegseth—former Fox News host turned full-time Trump whisperer and part-time Press Secretary cosplay model—held a press conference that can only be described as a masterclass in authoritarian fan fiction. Somewhere between the “fake news” finger-pointing and the sweaty defense of Dear Leader’s latest conspiracy tweet, Hegseth made it crystal clear: the Trump-aligned GOP
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Stop Waiting for Lisa Murkowski & Susan Collins to Save You – They’re Not Coming
BREAKING: Lisa Murkowski has once again voted to advance a Republican bill that has all the charm of a flaming trash barge drifting through civil rights. And somewhere in Maine, Susan Collins is furrowing her brow so hard it may finally snap in half. She’s “deeply concerned,” y’all—probably writing another strongly worded Post-it note to
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Trickle-Down Yacht Club: Jeff Bezos Built a Superyacht Out of Your Food Stamps
Oh, America. Land of the free, home of the grossly overworked Amazon associate who just peed in a bottle so Jeff Bezos can afford to put marble countertops in his second yacht. Not the yacht—the yacht’s yacht. A little backup boat, like a bougie sidecar for when your primary vessel is too emotionally burdened by
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Welcome to 2025: A Field Guide to the Apocalypse Lite™
Compiled by: A Sentient Bee with Anxiety and a Data Plan Congratulations! You’ve made it to 2025, the year where climate collapse is trending, AI writes breakup texts, and Congress now live-streams on OnlyFans. As your reward, we’ve compiled this essential guide to surviving another year of democracy limping through menopause. Whether you’re queer in
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Operation Paintbrush: America’s War on People Who Actually Work
Because nothing says “national security” like tackling day laborers in cargo pants outside a Home Depot. Welcome to America, where billionaires launder money through Delaware LLCs and hedge fund babies crush democracy via lobbying—but it’s the guy with a caulking gun trying to feed his family who gets black-bagged in the parking lot. Homeland Security