Latest posts
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Trump Surprised African Leader Speaks English—In Country Where English Is the National Language
Geography was never his strong suit. Neither was diplomacy. During a formal White House luncheon meant to honor African partnership and unity, President Donald Trump stunned absolutely no one by stunning everyone—again. While greeting Liberian President Joseph Boakai, Trump reportedly leaned in, nodded sagely, and said:“You speak English very well—where did you learn it?” The
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Welcome to the Circus: A Love Letter to the American Experience (Now with Extra Fees!)
Being an American means never having to say, “This makes sense.” It’s waking up every day in a nation so committed to being “exceptional” that we’ve proudly invented our own measurement system, health care roulette, and the concept of a “patriotic brand of bottled water.” Let’s take a moment to appreciate the uniquely unhinged bingo
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Epstein, Trump, and Musk Walk Into a Jail Cell: One Minute Missing, Infinite Questions
In the latest episode of America’s Favorite Unsolved Government Mystery, a single missing minute from Jeffrey Epstein’s jailhouse surveillance footage has sparked a political firestorm, conspiracy-theory bonanza, and a fresh round of popcorn sales across the country. That’s right—just one minute, allegedly “lost” during a routine system reset, has become the most important 60 seconds
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BREAKING: Elon Musk Just Discovered Donald Trump Isn’t a Fiscal Conservative—Thoughts and Rockets
In today’s edition of Billionaire Has Feelings, Elon Musk has reportedly turned on Donald Trump, citing concerns that the ex-president is “going to bankrupt the country.” This comes as a genuine shock to Musk, who only recently realized that Trump may not, in fact, be the gold standard of economic discipline. Yes, the man who
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Fiscal Responsibility”? The GOP Has Entered the Chat—and Brought the Receipts (of Everything They Charged)
Republicans love to call themselves the “party of fiscal responsibility.” It’s their favorite Halloween costume: all buttoned-up, calculator-in-pocket, murmuring about debt ceilings and taxpayer dollars. But when you check the national receipts, turns out they’ve been throwing the country’s credit card around like they just discovered Amazon Prime. Let’s take a (budget-bloated) stroll down memory
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Elon Musk Launches the “America Party”: Season 42 of the U.S. Soap Opera
Ok, so now Elon Musk—yes, that Elon Musk—has officially launched a third political party in the U.S. It’s called the America Party, and if you’re wondering what spurred this: it’s the same billionaire who helped bankroll Trump’s 2024 campaign… now suddenly deciding he’s had a change of heart because Trump passed a spending bill that
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Ohhhh SNAP benefits: Americans Outraged That Poor People Still Eating
In today’s episode of The War on Grocery Carts, social media is ablaze over footage of a mother using SNAP benefits to buy food at Costco, Walmart, and Target—you know, those fringe, elitist marketplaces where people go when they want 80 rolls of toilet paper and a sense of shame. The outrage stems from the
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The Big Beautiful Bill: Signed, Sealed, and Ready to Strangle Democracy in the Parking Lot of a Golden Corral
July 4, 2025 – Washington, D.C. (formerly known as the seat of democracy, now mostly just a themed escape room with worse puzzles) Happy Independence Day, America.While you’re lighting sparklers and dodging Uncle Randy’s racist fireworks rants, the government is signing its final love letter to authoritarianism—The Big Beautiful Bill. That’s not satire. That’s what
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Happy 4th of July! The Country’s Already on Fire—Might as Well Add Fireworks
Ah, Independence Day. That one time of year when we gather ‘round gas grills, wave flags made in China, and celebrate “freedom” by launching flaming projectiles into the nearest drought-stricken field. Because nothing screams liberty like sparklers in one hand and existential dread in the other. We’re told it’s a patriotic tradition. But let’s call
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100 Times I Didn’t Flinch: My Book Quote Collection
From Small Town Gayby “If God made me, then either He’s not angry—or He’s not very good at His job.” “I was born with a bruise on my soul and a glitter bomb in my ribcage.” “Coming out didn’t feel brave. It felt like bleeding in front of people who cheered the wound.” “I didn’t…