Latest posts
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Epstein, Bondi & the Rot at the Top: Corruption’s New Influencer Era
You ever notice how political corruption is starting to feel like the worst group chat you can’t leave? Same three people. Same scandals. Same “accidental” flights on Epstein’s plane. But now with better lighting. Enter: Pam Bondi, former Florida Attorney General and recent cameo in the Epstein Files as exposed by PBS. If you’re thinking,
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War, What Is It Good For? Apparently…Global Distraction and Defense Contracts
If you’ve felt a strange global vibration lately, no, it’s not Mercury in retrograde or your ex trying to manifest you back through a dream journal. It’s the reverberation of yet another season of Earth: Total War, now streaming live from Ukraine, Sudan, Haiti, and anywhere else with two opposing factions, dwindling hope, and a
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Second Term, Second Verse: Dumber, Meaner, Somehow More Orange
Let’s begin this enchanted retread with a little déjà vu: Donald J. Trump, once again sitting in the Oval Office—this time without even pretending to read the Constitution. It’s not a reboot, friends. It’s a bloated sequel nobody asked for, written by Facebook uncles and powered by supply chain rage, Bud Light boycotts, and the
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Yelling at the Lifeboat While Your House Sinks: FEMA
In a move that’s as logically airtight as a screen door on a submarine, former President Trump and DHS Secretary Noem have taken aim at FEMA—America’s go-to rescue agency—just as disaster struck in Texas. Their timing? Impeccable. Their strategy? Let’s just say it’s working about as well as a paper umbrella in a flood. Act
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The Menendez Brothers Might Be Walking—And Not Because of Good Behavior
In a plot twist no one saw coming—except maybe anyone who’s ever watched a true crime docuseries—Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge William C. Ryan just cracked open a legal time capsule from 1996 and asked the DA’s office a bold question: “You sure about that conviction?” Apparently, the answer might soon be “Eh… maybe
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NORTH KOREA ISSUES NEW THREATS: STOP FLYING STUFF NEAR US OR WE’LL TOTALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, MAYBE
PYONGYANG — In what’s become an oddly predictable quarterly tradition, North Korea has once again puffed up its metaphorical chest and issued stern warnings that it is “ready to engage in military action” against the United States, Japan, and South Korea. Sources confirm the warning came moments after Kim Jong-un finished his daily routine of
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Kerrville Welcomes Its Most “Extraordinary” Visitor: The Einstein Visa Queen Returns!
BREAKING: The Hill Country was briefly graced with otherworldly greatness this week as Melania Trump, First Lady Emerita and alleged immigrant overachiever, descended upon Kerrville with her husband, the 45th and possibly 47th President, Donald J. Trump. Let’s hope ICE don’t find out. Locals were stunned to learn that Kerrville, long famous for its deer
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Conservative Civil War Intensifies as Kash Patel Threatens to Resign Over Pam Bondi’s Continued Existence
In what experts are calling “the most dramatic right-wing meltdown since the Great Tucker Tantrum of 2023,” Kash Patel has reportedly threatened to resign unless Attorney General Pam Bondi is fired—and preferably exiled to an undisclosed location without Wi-Fi. This comes just days after Dan Bongino also threw a constitutional hissy fit over Bondi’s leadership,
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Defamation Nation: AOC Says the Rapist word, MAGA Faints into a Lawsuit Pile
The audacity of a Latina congresswoman speaking the truth out loud while rich men hide behind NDAs and redactions BREAKING: Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a sitting member of Congress, former bartender, and full-time lightning rod for right-wing rage, did the unthinkable this week: she called a man what the courts already said he was. In response
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ICE Really Said “High” Crimes—Raids on California Cannabis Farms Spark Blaze of Chaos
Well, it’s official: federal agents have entered their “villain arc.” On Thursday, July 10, ICE—yes, the same ICE that somehow still exists—raided two cannabis farms in Ventura County, California. Because if there’s one thing this country desperately needs right now, it’s fewer people growing plants and more people getting tear-gassed in a lettuce field. The