Latest posts
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The Devil Wears Bulletproof: America’s Sacred Tradition of Gunfire at School
Ah, Minneapolis. The city of lakes, the birthplace of Prince, and now—because we clearly didn’t have enough entries in the “Things Europeans Think Are Fake But Actually Happen in America” catalog—the latest setting for that quintessentially American ritual: a school shooting. This time, we leveled up. It wasn’t a hallway. It wasn’t a cafeteria. No,
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Trump’s Chicago Dream: Send in the Troops, Forget the Math
The problem with promising to “crack down on crime” is that crime refuses to follow your campaign calendar. It does not politely spike in the zip codes you need for next week’s rally. It rarely consults your polling numbers before deciding whether to trend upward or downward. Yet here comes Donald Trump, fresh off his
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Deportation Roulette: Spin the Globe, Land on Uganda
America has always had a gift for rebranding cruelty as administrative efficiency. On August 23, 2025, CNN reported the latest episode in our long-running tragicomedy of immigration enforcement: Kilmar Ábrego García—a Salvadoran man who’s lived in Maryland since 2011, married an American citizen, raised children here, and already survived one wrongful deportation—may now be deported
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Rodeo, Run-ins & Rehab: Lil Nas X’s 6 a.m. “Midnight Remix” in Studio City
Picture it: early morning on Ventura Boulevard, Studio City. The sky is still a bruise. Streetlights flicker like judging eyebrows. A nude man strides down the sidewalk, shoulders thrown back like he just emerged from a Private Jet and Seminoles matchup—and charges at police when they arrive. He’s escorted off in cuffs, hospitalized for suspected
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Cracker Barrel’s $94 Million Makeover: Uncle Herschel, Dumped by Wall Street
There are breakups that shake families. There are divorces that fracture communities. And then there’s Cracker Barrel firing Uncle Herschel from its logo, which—according to Wall Street—destroyed nearly $200 million in value before the breakfast crowd even finished their biscuits. On August 21, Cracker Barrel’s stock tanked 7.2%, closing at $54.80 and wiping out about
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Deportation by Stopwatch: Trump’s TPS Hunger Games
The Trump administration has rediscovered its favorite pastime: deportation as sport. On August 20, 2025, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals granted the White House an emergency stay that lets officials move forward with ending Temporary Protected Status (TPS) for roughly 60,000 migrants from Honduras, Nicaragua, and Nepal. Nothing says “America First” like telling the
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English-Only Nation: The Trump-Era War on Multilingualism, Now With Federal Endorsement
The Department of Education, in what can only be described as a masterclass in quiet cruelty, has decided that five million English learners across the country are now just a line item too expensive to justify. On August 20, 2025, the department formally rescinded the 2015 “Dear Colleague” guidance—the one that spelled out, in plain
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How to Politely Erase History Without Mussing Your Hair: The Smithsonian vs. The Woke Exterminators
There’s a special kind of American irony in watching a White House that can’t stop talking about “cancel culture” spend its waning days trying to cancel the Smithsonian. Canceling a comedian’s Netflix special is authoritarianism, we’re told. But rewriting a museum plaque about Benjamin Franklin’s enslaved servants? That’s patriotism, baby. On August 20, 2025, Donald
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Hurricane Erin: America’s Latest Reality Show, Now Streaming Live from the Atlantic
It’s August 2025, and Hurricane Erin—currently whirling itself into a Category 2 diva act about 200 miles off the North Carolina coast—is serving as yet another reminder that America’s infrastructure is mostly just plywood, wishful thinking, and a governor’s press conference stapled to a sandbag. Erin, once a strapping Category 5 beast, has now “weakened”
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The Diplomatic Ghosting Olympics: Putin, Zelenskyy, and Trump’s Imaginary Seating Chart
Ah, yes. Another day in the ever-expanding telenovela that is Trump-era diplomacy—though “diplomacy” is generous, given that what we’re watching looks more like a middle school cafeteria where the kid with a lunchable (Putin) refuses to sit with the kid holding an expired free milk ticket (Zelenskyy), and the loud orange hall monitor (Trump) insists