Latest posts
-
Kamala Harris Declines to Govern: California Weeps, 2028 Holds Its Breath

In a week already saturated with bloated indictments, poorly aged tweets, and men with microphones saying “I miss when politics was normal,” Kamala Harris made the most powerful move in modern politics: saying no. She will not run for governor of California. Not because she can’t. Not because she’s lost the thread. But because she’s
-
The Naked Gun Premiere Stuns Nation: Critics Describe Experience as ‘Emotionally Immature,’ ‘Deeply Healing,’ and ‘Unfit for the Literate’

It was a night to remember—if, that is, your brain had been recently concussed by a whiffle bat and lubricated with the comedic sophistication of a whoopee cushion. The red carpet was laid, the stars were out, and the nation’s dignity was carefully packed into a burlap sack and hurled down a fire escape. Yes,
-
Finally, Equal Rights to Cringe: “I Kissed A Boy” Puts Gays Where They Belong—on Trashy Dating Shows

So it’s finally happened. The gays have a dating show. Not a makeover show. Not a trauma documentary. Not another sob-stained coming out arc framed by string lights and tearful piano music. An actual, honest-to-God dating show. And not just any dating show—a trashy, sun-drenched, kissing-at-hello reality dating show with barely clothed men, confessionals, and
-
Budget Balanced, Children Buried: Austerity’s Most Efficient Program Yet

This week, the free market claimed another quiet victory as reports emerged that 652 Nigerian children have died of malnutrition—an achievement brought to you by the miracle of international funding cuts and the global community’s ongoing commitment to staring directly into a fire and commenting on the smoke. Doctors Without Borders, the organization still laboring
-
Windmills, Whales, and Wounded Pride: The Trump Doctrine on Aid and Applause

In a recent outburst that sounded suspiciously like a Mad Libs page read through a bullhorn, former President Donald J. Trump launched into a diatribe connecting three unrelated but emotionally charged topics: windmills, whales, and a personal grievance that Gaza never thanked him for humanitarian aid. You know, the classics. At a rally that felt



