Latest posts
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How to Rig an Election While Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud
It’s 2025, which means we’re back in the part of the American cycle where politicians stop pretending to govern and start designing the next democracy-themed escape room. The new blueprint—marketed, ironically, as Never Again 2020—isn’t a conspiracy theory or a master plan. It’s a step-by-step guide written in bureaucratic beige and marketed as “election integrity.”
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Shutdown: The First Hairline Fracture in the Blue Wall
For three weeks, Chuck Schumer has performed the Senate equivalent of yoga on hot coals—keeping forty-nine Democrats in the lotus position while the government burns around them. It worked, until it didn’t. Axios dropped the news like a leaky ceiling tile: Georgia senators Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock quietly crossed the aisle on a Republican
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The People’s Propaganda: Beijing Declares America Dead While Measuring Its Own Pulse
China has officially diagnosed the United States with “terminal democracy.” According to Chinese state media, America is “dying from within,” “a failed state,” and—if you believe the new string of editorials—just a few supply-chain snags away from the global hospice ward. The declaration arrived perfectly timed with the Chinese Communist Party’s closed-door Fourth Plenum, where
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Trump’s The Apprentice: Kremlin Edition
It took three years, two wars, and one canceled summit for America’s Strongman-in-Chief to finally pretend to stand up to his idol—and even now, it looks more like performance art than policy. The White House has slapped sanctions on Rosneft and Lukoil, Russia’s two biggest oil arteries and the bankroll of Vladimir Putin’s imperial cosplay.
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The Red Scare Remix: Why “Democratic Socialism” Is Not Communism, and Capitalism Was Never Pure
There’s a certain irony in the fact that Americans can’t define “socialism” but they can sure yell it. It’s our national reflex: hear a policy that sounds vaguely public-minded, grab the nearest flag, and shout “Communism!” as if Khrushchev himself were hiding under your Medicare card. So let’s do something rare for this political century—define
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Mar-a-Washington: How Trump’s Epstein Ballroom Became the White House Tear-Down
There’s a deeply surreal moment when the president of the United States signals that the people’s house is also his personal club—then backs it up by tearing it open with excavators before answering the paperwork. That moment is now, courtesy of the reported teardown of the East Wing of the White House to build a new
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“You’re on Your Own, Kid”: The Chaos That Would Follow Killing the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare)
Picture it: You wake up tomorrow and the Affordable Care Act—the rickety scaffolding that keeps our health-care carnival from collapsing—has vanished overnight. No repeal-and-replace. No Medicare-for-All sequel. Just an empty folder where your coverage used to live, and a nation of 330 million people standing in line at CVS holding expired insurance cards and prayer
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Theocracy Is So 1095 AD: Why I Defend Your Right to Pray So I’m Free Not To
An atheist’s field guide to keeping the pulpit off the payroll and the state out of your soul I’m an atheist. Not the hat-throwing, slogan-on-a-bumper kind—more the “coffee, quiet, and a stubborn allergy to being preached at by anyone with a lanyard” variety. I have no congregation, no creed, and no appetite for a government-approved
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The Man Who Sued Himself: How Trump Turned “Equal Justice Under Law” into “Cash App Me, DOJ”
If late-stage empire ever needed a mascot, Donald Trump just nominated himself—and sent the bill to the Justice Department. According to The New York Times (and verified by outlets that still remember what fact-checking is), the President of the United States is currently pressing his own Justice Department to pay him $230 million. Not for
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The Mirage Economy: When the GDP Grows but Nobody Hires
It’s official: America is thriving—on paper. The GDP is glowing like a ring light on a politician’s livestream. The stock market is preening. The White House comms shop is drafting victory tweets about “resilience.” And yet, if you’re an actual human being with a pulse, a rent payment, and a résumé floating in the void,