Latest posts
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Hurricane Erin: America’s Latest Reality Show, Now Streaming Live from the Atlantic
It’s August 2025, and Hurricane Erin—currently whirling itself into a Category 2 diva act about 200 miles off the North Carolina coast—is serving as yet another reminder that America’s infrastructure is mostly just plywood, wishful thinking, and a governor’s press conference stapled to a sandbag. Erin, once a strapping Category 5 beast, has now “weakened”
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The Diplomatic Ghosting Olympics: Putin, Zelenskyy, and Trump’s Imaginary Seating Chart
Ah, yes. Another day in the ever-expanding telenovela that is Trump-era diplomacy—though “diplomacy” is generous, given that what we’re watching looks more like a middle school cafeteria where the kid with a lunchable (Putin) refuses to sit with the kid holding an expired free milk ticket (Zelenskyy), and the loud orange hall monitor (Trump) insists
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Buzzing Back: Oregon’s Sanctuary Sting to the DOJ’s Drone Strike
Ladies and gentlemen, grab your headphones: we’re about to listen to the sweetest harmony in a dystopian symphony—the sound of a governor giving the finger to federal pressure without ever raising her middle digit. On August 19, 2025, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek sent a letter to Attorney General Pam Bondi that reads like the quiet
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Sneak Peek: The First Chapter of Sleeping Fairy
Back in 2018, I drafted a retelling of Sleeping Beauty that was never really about castles or curses. It was about MySpace. It was about being twenty-one in the early 2000s—when dial-up whined through your bedroom wall, when your whole life could be demolished in a single public post, when “delete” wasn’t an option because
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Pratt, Policies, and Polite Pretense: A Star in Defense Mode
Hollywood’s favorite dude-next-door, Chris Pratt, recently found himself in a moral minefield. He came out publicly to defend RFK Jr.’s policies, calling the wave of backlash “unreasonable hatred” and adding, “I want them all to be successful.” By “them all,” we suspect he meant both Kennedy and… everyone else who learned the difference between anti-vax
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Pregnant Robots & Patriarchy: China’s Pregnancy Bot and the Future We Didn’t Choose
Imagine a world where babies aren’t born from mothers but delivered by robots—in a literal tin womb. Welcome to 2026, Chinese-style, where scientists at Kaiwa Technology promise to debut the world’s first humanoid “pregnancy robot,” complete with an artificial womb embedded in its abdomen. It’s billed as a technological marvel for struggling parents—but if that
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Pompoms, Politics, and the Fragile Masculinity of the 50-Yard Line: On the NFL’s Male Cheerleader Panic
It’s 2025, and the NFL has finally decided that maybe, just maybe, a man in sequins yelling “Defense!” won’t unravel the fabric of Western civilization. Twelve teams—including the Vikings and Patriots—are adding male cheerleaders to their squads this season. A gesture toward gender equality, sure, but also, apparently, a trigger for every uncle in America
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When Democracy Gets a Make-over: Trump’s Executive Order to Cancel Voting
At long last, the White House has announced a new wellness initiative: an executive order banning mail‑in and electronic voting ahead of the 2026 midterms. Why? Because our hero (in designer suits) says elections are haunted by “massive fraud”—without evidence, but with extra flourish. He’s calling it the “MAIL‑IN BALLOT HOAX” and wants us back
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Weapons, Freakier Fridays, and the Death Rattle of Sydney Sweeney’s Americana
The box office has once again delivered its weekend sermon, and America, faithful parishioner that it is, dutifully attended services with popcorn in hand. We were given horror, we were given nostalgia, we were given Bob Odenkirk with bruised knuckles, and—because capitalism cannot function without a sacrificial lamb—we were given Sydney Sweeney’s Americana quietly smothered
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The Comedy Coup: South Park, Trump, and the Paramount Problem
America has always needed its court jesters. Kings and presidents come and go, ruling with pomp, paranoia, and paranoia dressed up as policy. But the jester—the clown with a knife behind the punchline—never leaves. In 2025, that jester wears a Colorado beanie, carries a construction paper sign, and is contractually obligated to Paramount+ for $1.5