Nothing says “we’ve learned nothing from history” quite like handing Donald J. Trump executive oversight of an international sporting event. The man who once tried to host a G7 summit at his own golf resort is now assembling a task force to oversee the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics.
Because nothing inspires global trust like the phrase “Trump” and “task force” in the same sentence.
According to reports, he plans to sign an executive order in the coming days that would establish a federal committee to help “coordinate, prepare for, and support” the LA Games. Which is a bureaucratic way of saying: I will be involved in the opening ceremony whether you like it or not.
The Olympics, long a showcase of global unity, athletic prowess, and elaborate corporate sponsorship deals, will now be coordinated—at least in part—by a man who once suggested nuking hurricanes and demanded Sharpies be retroactively added to weather maps. We’ve gone from torch-lighting to gas-lighting in record time.
Picture it now.
A gilded podium. A gold-plated executive order. A team of advisors in MAGA-themed warmups. Jared Kushner awkwardly pretending he knows what a javelin is. Marjorie Taylor Greene confusing synchronized swimming with Deep State hypnosis.
The LA Olympics Task Force will likely consist of:
- An ex-reality producer who once ran logistics for The Apprentice,
- A cousin with a landscaping business who’s “great with cement,”
- And a small army of interns tasked with photoshopping Trump’s face onto every past Olympic gold medalist, just in case someone forgets who’s in charge.
What could possibly go wrong?
The Olympics have always been a pageant.
A performance of excellence. A parade of nationalism cloaked in the language of unity. For sixteen days, the world pretends to be on its best behavior while Coca-Cola and Visa throw money at swimmers. We’ve always known it’s theater. But at least before, the director wasn’t openly trying to secede from reality.
Trump’s involvement doesn’t feel like coordination. It feels like rebranding. Like America looked at the flame of global goodwill and said, what if we made it into a marketing gimmick and sold hats?
It’s not a task force. It’s a casting call.
And the role? Savior of the Games. Protector of America’s Honor. Keeper of the Baton. Holder of the Budget—assuming the money doesn’t mysteriously end up routed through Mar-a-Lago for “hospitality services.”
And let’s be real: Los Angeles is not ready.
The traffic alone could trigger an international incident.
And now we’re layering on a federal task force run by a man who thinks exercise is a myth and once suggested bleach as a wellness strategy?
We already have enough natural disasters. We don’t need an administrative one.
Because when Trump says he wants to “prepare” for the Olympics, what he means is: curate them. What he means is: control the narrative. What he means is: use the Olympic stage to prove that America is still the best—even if we have to rig the vault.
Imagine the events:
- Men’s 100-Meter Blame Shift
- Women’s Uneven Ethics Bars
- Mixed Doubles Gaslight Finals
- Rhythmic Nationalism with flags instead of ribbons
All culminating in a closing ceremony choreographed to Kid Rock’s greatest hits and a flyover by the Space Force.
Task forces, in theory, are supposed to solve problems.
But this isn’t about logistics. This is about legacy.
Trump doesn’t care about the Olympics. He cares about being in the pictures. He cares about the branding opportunity. He cares about being able to say he was “involved” in something global without having to learn any of the rules.
This task force is the spiritual sequel to every failed infrastructure week. It’s a PR stunt wrapped in a bureaucracy wearing Team USA spandex.
And somehow, that’s more dangerous than it sounds.
Because we’ve seen what happens when Trump is handed ceremonial power and decides to treat it like policy. We’ve watched as symbol became sabotage. As incompetence metastasized into cruelty.
And now, they want to put him in charge of event planning?
We are one executive order away from the Olympic torch being relit with a spray tan and a tweet.
What are the stakes, really?
It’s just the Olympics, right? Just a parade of athletes who trained for years showing off their bodies while world leaders pretend not to notice each other.
But in a country where every symbol becomes a battleground—flags, sports, kneeling, patriotism—the Olympics aren’t just games. They’re performance art. They’re soft propaganda. They’re an audition for relevance.
And Trump knows that. He always has.
The man understands spectacle. He is spectacle. He has never governed. He’s directed. Cast. Edited. Branded. Licensed. Burned the whole thing down when the lighting didn’t hit right.
So of course he wants a task force.
It’s not about getting it right.
It’s about owning the frame.
Final Thought:
In 2028, the world will gather in Los Angeles to celebrate human potential, resilience, and athletic excellence.
And standing just off camera—orange, over-accessorized, and inexplicably holding a volleyball—will be a man who mistook oversight for ownership.
The Olympics will go on.
The athletes will run, swim, and fly.
But somewhere in the background, a task force will be scribbling press releases, reprinting name tags, and trying to get the javelin field cleared for a campaign rally.
And we’ll call it patriotism.
Because satire is just the truth… wearing a tracksuit.