In a plot twist that reads like satire but somehow isn’t, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has officially nominated Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, citing his “tremendous, absolutely tremendous work” brokering the Abraham Accords.
Trump reportedly accepted the nomination with humility, saying only:
“Of course I deserve it. I’ve brought more peace than Jesus, and I have the hotels to prove it.”
What Are the Abraham Accords Again?
The Abraham Accords were diplomatic normalization agreements between Israel and a handful of countries in the Middle East—brokered during Trump’s term and largely negotiated between people who already weren’t throwing things at each other.
Historians refer to it as:
“Peace, but make it branding.”
Netanyahu’s Pitch
During a photo-op that felt one handshake away from launching a joint clothing line, Netanyahu praised Trump for “achieving historic peace deals without starting a single new war,” a rare achievement in U.S. foreign policy—and possibly the only thing Trump didn’t try to brand with gold letters.
Netanyahu continued:
“This man is a peacemaker. Just look at how calmly he handled the Capitol.”
Critics React (Try Not to Laugh)
Some international observers questioned the timing and sincerity of the nomination, especially considering:
- Trump’s entire foreign policy toolkit consisted of tweets, tariffs, and Jared Kushner
- The Accords were more economic deals than resolutions to actual conflict
- Trump once threatened to nuke hurricanes
Still, Netanyahu insists the nomination is based on merit, not political theater, and had nothing—nothing—to do with his own re-election bid or desire to flatter a man who once misspelled “Israel” in a tweet.
Trump’s Peace Credentials, At a Glance:
- Held a “historic” summit with North Korea, then ghosted them
- Moved the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem, causing… unity? Unclear
- Suggested nuking Iran at least twice (allegedly)
- Accidentally told Ukraine’s president to investigate a political rival, resulting in impeachment
- Launched zero wars (a true accomplishment, and possibly an oversight)
Nobel Committee: “We’ll… Get Back to You”
While anyone can technically be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize (yes, you could too), the committee remains silent on Trump’s odds.
Unofficial sources say he faces stiff competition from:
- Greta Thunberg
- A group of Afghani women educators
- That one guy who hugs bees in Nepal
- And basic human decency
Final Thoughts
Netanyahu’s nomination is certainly historic—just not for the reasons intended. Trump may now join a long list of surprise Nobel nominees, including Vladimir Putin, Jared from Subway (once), and the entire internet.
If nothing else, it proves that in 2024, peace is just another brand opportunity.
Coming soon: Nobel by Trump™ – a fragrance for men who yell at NATO.