Move over fiber optics, Japan just unlocked Ultra Instinct Wi-Fi.
This week, Japanese researchers at the National Institute of Information and Communications Technology (a name that clearly took all their creativity quota) announced they’d shattered the world record for internet speed, clocking in at a mind-melting 1.02 petabits per second.
For scale: That’s one million gigabits per second, or what Elon Musk claims Twitter runs on when he’s explaining why it crashed again.
Downloading the Future… Instantly
To put this into perspective, with 1.02 petabits per second, you could:
- Download the entire Netflix catalog in one second (yes, even the unskippable intros).
- Stream 10,000 simultaneous 8K videos with room left for your mom’s Zoom call.
- Accidentally leak the entire Pentagon database just by sneezing on your keyboard.
The test was conducted across 1,118 miles, meaning this wasn’t just some desktop-to-router demo—it was a long-distance digital flex.
We don’t know what you’re doing with your 300 Mbps, but in Japan, they’re out here teleporting data.
Meanwhile, in America…
U.S. internet users responded to the news by attempting to open Gmail and waiting 27 seconds for the tab to load.
Comcast released a statement assuring customers that Japan’s technology is “fascinating” and “completely unnecessary,” while still charging $99.99 a month for “high-speed” that’s only fast if you’re sending Morse code.
Spectrum has vowed to match Japan’s petabit speeds by 2094.
Elon Musk Comments from a Tesla
Upon hearing the news, Elon Musk tweeted from the passenger seat of a self-driving Tesla (that was on fire), “This is why I’m building satellites. Ground internet is for mortals.” He then offered to buy Japan, rename it “Xpan,” and replace Mt. Fuji with a tower that streams memes in real time.
Japan declined.
A Warning from the Future
Experts warn that internet this fast could have dangerous side effects, including:
- Teens watching entire TikTok trends before they even start.
- Conspiracy theorists downloading documents so fast they stop midway and forget why they started.
- Your grandma accidentally becoming an AI expert while trying to forward a recipe.
Some fear that if these speeds reach global distribution, Gen Z will stream every Marvel movie simultaneously and collapse the multiverse.
Final Thoughts: Welcome to Petabit Nation
While Japan continues to accelerate toward a tech utopia, the rest of us are just hoping our routers will stop blinking red.
But hey, it’s fine.
We don’t need 1.02 petabits per second.
We have patriotism, dial-up nostalgia, and the comforting sound of “buffering.”
God bless the lag.