The air in polite society, ideally, should be clear—free from the noxious fumes of prejudice. Yet, despite millennia of human evolution, countless educational initiatives, and the invention of, you know, basic empathy, some individuals still struggle with a rather fundamental concept: how not to be a bigot. Today, my thoughts turn to this baffling phenomenon, offering a public service announcement so revolutionary, so profoundly simple, it might just shatter the very foundations of intentional ignorance: Bigotry for Dummies – A Hilarious (and Absolutely Essential) Guide to Not Being a Terrible Human.
There are bewildering intricacies of navigating a diverse world without inadvertently (or, let’s be honest, quite intentionally) causing widespread societal chaos and personal offense. As someone who has spent a lifetime being on the receiving end of prejudice (biracial, gay, a cancer survivor, a non-believer in the midst of zealous faith, a human who sometimes makes mistakes but learns from them), I’ve developed a unique, often exasperated, perspective on the art of not being an utter disappointment to your fellow sentient beings. So, grab a pen, take notes, and prepare for some groundbreaking insights that will absolutely not win you any “Most Tolerant” awards, but might, just might, keep you from being publicly roasted.
Rule #1: The Basic Human Principle (It’s Revolutionary!)
If you take nothing else from this profound guide, absorb this, internalize it, let it permeate your very soul: Other people are people.
- Sub-Rule 1a: They Have Feelings (Shocking, I Know): Just like you, the person you’re about to make a “harmless” joke about, or legislate into non-existence, has emotions. They feel joy, sadness, anger, and, remarkably, hurt when you, or someone you support, treats them like a lesser being. Imagine that. It’s truly astounding.
- Sub-Rule 1b: Their Lives Are Not for Your Entertainment or Debate: Their identity, their love, their choices, their very existence—none of these are abstract concepts for your intellectual amusement, your personal discomfort, or your political football game. Their life is their life. Your opinion on it, unless explicitly solicited and offered with genuine empathy, is generally unsolicited noise.
Rule #2: The Advanced Diploma in Not Being Racist (It’s Simpler Than You Think!)
You know those deeply uncomfortable family dinners where someone makes a “joke” that lands with the subtlety of a lead balloon? Or that politician blames an entire group for societal woes? Yeah, don’t do that.
- Avoid Stereotypes (Especially the “Funny” Ones): If your joke starts with “A Black person, a Mexican person, and an Asian person walk into a bar…” just walk away from the joke. And the bar. And perhaps society for a bit. Stereotypes aren’t funny; they’re lazy, reductive, and perpetuate harmful biases that contribute to actual discrimination. Your lack of originality is not humor.
- “I Don’t See Color” (Bless Your Heart, You Do): Stop pretending. We all see color. The goal isn’t to be colorblind; it’s to see color and then treat everyone with fundamental respect, acknowledging their unique experiences without judgment. It’s about seeing the full spectrum, not just claiming blindness.
- Microaggressions Are Not “Just Being Sensitive”: If someone points out that a comment you made was hurtful, listen. Do not immediately respond with “You’re just being too sensitive!” (a personal pet peeve of mine, as I’ve blogged about extensively). Their lived experience of discrimination trumps your intention. Apologize, learn, and then try not to repeat the behavior. It’s called growth.
Rule #3: Mastering the Art of Not Being Homophobic (It’s Not a Phase, It’s Just Me)
For some, the idea of two people of the same gender loving each other is apparently so mind-bendingly complex it requires immediate legislation. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
- Their Marriage Does Not Impact Your Marriage: I promise you, my theoretical marriage to Matthew does not magically invalidate your heterosexual union. Your divorce rate is not impacted by my ability to love whom I choose. Your children are not suddenly “turned gay” by seeing two men hold hands. Your personal choices are not threatened by my existence. My life does not diminish yours.
- Drag Queens Are Entertainers (Not a Threat to Western Civilization): The current moral panic over drag shows is truly a marvel of manufactured outrage. Drag queens are performers. They wear fabulous costumes, they lip-sync for their lives, and they entertain audiences. If you don’t like it, here’s a revolutionary concept: don’t go. No one is forcing you. Their glitter does not physically assault your sensibilities.
- Trans People Exist (And Deserve Rights): This one seems to baffle people the most, but it’s remarkably simple. Transgender people are real. They have always existed. They deserve the same rights, respect, and access to healthcare as everyone else. Their identity is not a “lifestyle choice” for your debate club. My own experience with “pray the gay away” camps taught me the profound harm of denying someone’s authentic self. Just accept it, learn their pronouns, and move on with your life. It’s truly not that complicated.
Rule #4: The Gender Equality Challenge (It’s Not a Competition, Ladies)
For those still clinging to outdated notions of gender roles, allow me to introduce you to the 21st century. It’s fabulous here.
- Women Can Do Anything (Including Boss You Around): Yes, women can be strong. They can be leaders. They can be CEOs, politicians, generals, and, heaven forbid, your boss. They don’t need your permission. Their strength does not diminish yours; it simply exists. And sometimes, they’re just plain better at it. (Like Tina Fey, a true comedic genius and trailblazer who proved women can run networks and write brilliant satire.)
- “Feminine” Traits Are Not Weaknesses: The idea that emotional depth, empathy, or nurturing qualities are “feminine” and therefore “weak” is a ridiculous, harmful construct. These are human strengths. We, as a society, need more of them, not less. My own journey as a man who embraces emotional vulnerability has shown me the profound power in shedding those outdated expectations.
- Bodily Autonomy (It’s Hers, Not Yours): This one is perhaps the simplest, yet most fiercely debated. A woman’s body is hers. Her choices about it are hers. Your religious beliefs, your personal discomfort, or your political agenda do not grant you jurisdiction over another person’s reproductive health decisions. Period. My former career as an RN showed me the devastating human cost of denying this fundamental right.
The Graduation: Living a Life Without Self-Inflicted Obscurity
Ultimately, this isn’t just a guide to basic human decency; it’s an invitation to a more enlightened, less exhausting, and frankly, more enjoyable existence. When you shed the burden of bigotry, when you stop trying to control other people’s lives, and when you embrace the glorious diversity of humanity, you find a profound sense of peace.
My own life, once clouded by the prejudices of others and my own internalized fears, is now vibrant, open, and filled with authentic connections. I’m living my truth as a gay, biracial man in Austin, loving Matthew unapologetically, surrounded by my chosen family, and doing work that truly matters to me. And it’s infinitely better than living in the shadow of someone else’s narrow worldview.
So, go forth. Stop the judgment. Stop the hate. And for the love of all that is decent, mind your biscuits, and your life will truly be gravy. The world is vast, beautiful, and big enough for all of us. Just try not being a terrible human; it’s remarkably liberating.