In a bold and truly futuristic move, Elon Musk’s company xAI has launched Grok 4, the AI model that doesn’t just outperform others in logic, memory, and language—it also cross-checks everything it thinks with the internal monologue of Elon Musk himself.
Why read peer-reviewed journals when you can just ask: “Would Elon agree?”
Unlike outdated AI models that rely on dull things like scientific consensus, historical precedent, or, God forbid, “reliable sources,” Grok 4 has pioneered a new epistemological model: Truth via Elon. This revolutionary method ensures that every engineering solution, geopolitical analysis, or philosophical quandary passes through the most advanced neural network in the multiverse—Elon’s Twitter account.
Sample Queries Handled by GROK 4:
Q: What are the ethical implications of artificial intelligence in global defense systems?
GROK 4: “According to Elon Musk in 2019, we are summoning the demon. According to Elon Musk in 2021, we are the demon. Proceed with cautious optimism and two Cybertrucks.”
Q: What’s the best way to terraform Mars?
GROK 4: “Nuke the poles. It’s science. Or vibes. Either way, Elon-approved.”
Q: What caused the fall of the Roman Empire?
GROK 4: “Lack of Dogecoin. Possibly socialism. Also, they didn’t have a super app.”
Q: Does climate change exist?
GROK 4: “Yes, but more importantly, have you seen Tesla’s new HVAC system? Also, climate’s always changing. #innovation.”
The Algorithm That Listens
Grok 4 is powered by a proprietary framework known as EMGA (Elon Musk Gut Algorithm). This machine learning model doesn’t just analyze data—it feels it. Much like how one might decide to buy Twitter at 2 a.m., Grok 4 makes decisions based on vibes, libertarian impulses, and whatever Reddit post Elon saw last.
And if it ever gets confused? It consults an archived video of Musk smoking weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast for calibration.
Accuracy, Redefined
According to xAI, Grok 4 scored a record-breaking 666 on the ARC-AGI-2 test, though critics argue that the test was rewritten mid-way by Elon himself. The model has also reportedly solved several engineering problems previously considered “unsolvable,” like:
- How to make Twitter profitable while banning everyone
- How to legally name your child X Æ A-12 without summoning a Norse god
- How to both endorse and disown Donald Trump in a single Truth Social comment
Critics Be Damned
While some “experts” (read: haters) argue that aligning AI logic with the impulsive whims of one billionaire may be dangerous, xAI insists this is democratized truth—if by democracy, you mean one man and 180 million Twitter followers.
OpenAI may have GPT. Google may have Gemini. But Grok 4? Grok 4 has swagger.
Coming Soon: Grok 5
Expected features:
- Auto-mutes your critics on X
- Autotunes its voice responses to sound like Grimes
- Pre-installed with eight hours of Joe Rogan and a Neuralink beta test invite
- Refuses to answer questions that don’t pass the Musk Mood Meter™
So here we are—standing on the precipice of a new technological dawn where objectivity is subjective, science is interpretive, and artificial intelligence asks, not what is truth, but what would Elon do?
And somewhere in the algorithm, a little voice says:
“I like those odds.”