In a rare moment of poetic justice so satisfying it could’ve been scripted by karma herself, a sheriff’s deputy in Jacksonville, Florida, accidentally tased his own partner in the back during a routine traffic stop gone sideways. And by “routine,” we of course mean “violently escalated in seconds because it’s Florida and badges apparently come with mood disorders.”
The video, which has gone viral across social media platforms faster than a cop can say “stop resisting,” shows the deputies attempting to arrest 18-year-old Kheilan Haynes—who allegedly resisted arrest. What followed was a tangle of limbs, shouting, and then the blessed moment: ZAP—one officer drops like a sack of racist potatoes while his partner awkwardly realizes he just turned Blue Lives Matter into Blue Lives Battery.
A New Genre of Police Brutality: Friendly Fire Edition
For once, police brutality managed to stay in-house.
No civilians were tased, tackled, or traumatized.
No unarmed teenager got body-slammed for a broken taillight.
Just two cops, one Taser, and enough secondhand embarrassment to fill a training manual.
It’s the kind of mistake that would end a civilian’s life—but here? It just ended someone’s dignity.
Naturally, the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office released a statement that read like a Mad Libs page written by a nervous PR intern:
“During a dynamic situation involving active resistance, one deputy’s Taser deployment made unintentional contact with another deputy, causing minor injury.”
“Unintentional contact” is a beautifully sanitized way of saying ‘I shot Dave in the spine while he was trying to be Rambo.’
The Internet Reacts: “Play It Again”
The clip has become an instant classic in the very niche—but rapidly growing—genre of cops hurting each other by accident. TikTokers have already set the video to everything from Looney Tunes soundtracks to Doja Cat’s “Get Into It (Yuh).” One remix featuring “Curb Your Enthusiasm” theme music hit 2 million views in under 12 hours.
Comments range from:
- “ACAB, including themselves apparently”
- “Florida finally defunding itself”
- “This counts as reparations, right?”
It’s the rare moment of bipartisan unity. Leftists are howling. Libertarians are saving the video to a playlist called “Second Amendment Vindication.” Even your Republican uncle who forwards you Blue Lives Matter memes had to chuckle—quietly, and without losing his Facebook friends.
The Suspect? Still Black. Still Lucky to Be Breathing.
While everyone’s rightfully laughing at the Keystone Cops reenactment happening in broad daylight, it’s easy to forget: an 18-year-old Black kid was the reason they were out there in the first place. His name is Kheilan Haynes, and he was reportedly resisting arrest. What that means in police-speak is: “he didn’t immediately collapse into docility when surrounded by two hyped-up men with weapons and too many unresolved issues.”
Miraculously, Haynes survived the encounter. No bullets. No “I feared for my life.” No phantom weapons magically appearing in the report. That’s newsworthy all on its own.
Law Enforcement: Where Your Coworkers Are More Dangerous Than the Public
This incident is, of course, being treated internally as an “accident”—because when police harm each other, it’s always an accident. No excessive force. No investigation into use of conduct. Just “oops, Dave got a little crispy.”
Imagine if teachers accidentally threw staplers at each other in the middle of a lesson. Or if surgeons occasionally elbowed each other in the eye mid-appendectomy. There would be hearings. Policies. Whole Netflix docuseries. But with cops? This is just Tuesday.
If nothing else, this clip proves what critics have said for years: police don’t need demilitarization. They need basic coordination. Maybe start with a PowerPoint titled “Tasers: Aim Away From Steve.”
The Real Tragedy? He’s Probably Still Getting Paid
Despite shooting electricity into the spine of his fellow officer, there is currently no indication that the deputy will face any disciplinary action. No suspension. No desk duty. No department-wide Taser tutorial taught by an actual adult.
In fact, if history is any guide, they’ll probably promote him.
“Congratulations, Officer McTriggerfinger. You’ve shown initiative and creativity in the field. Here’s your SWAT patch.”
Final Thought: Florida, Never Change
This entire incident took place in Florida, which honestly should be its own genre of crime. The state continues to offer the nation its most aggressively absurd content, often involving reptiles, meth, or both.
But in this case, Florida gave us something rare:
A video where no civilians died.
Where accountability may not exist, but karma sure as hell does.
And for six glorious seconds, we all got to feel something other than dread.
So to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office: thanks.
Not for your service.
But for the laugh.
Now do us all a favor. Roll the tape at the academy.
And maybe start training with Nerf.