A particular sentiment has been echoing in my mind lately, growing louder with every news cycle, every political debate, and every well-meaning (or not-so-well-meaning) comment I encounter: the pervasive insistence that I, and others from marginalized communities, should be ‘grateful’ for the rights we have now – rights that, frankly, we should have had all along. This isn’t about ingratitude; it’s about a deep, simmering frustration with a narrative that seeks to diminish ongoing struggles by framing fundamental human dignities as recent gifts, rather than inherent entitlements.
I’ve been told, in various ways, that as a gay man, I should be “thankful” for marriage equality, for increased visibility, for anti-discrimination laws (where they exist). As a liberal, I’m often confronted with arguments that we should be content with incremental progress, lest we “rock the boat” or appear unappreciative. But when one’s basic humanity, autonomy, or safety is still a matter of political debate, gratitude feels like a heavy cloak, obscuring the vast landscape of work yet to be done. It’s a frustrating perspective that seeks to silence calls for true, comprehensive equality by framing partial victories as sufficient endpoints.
The Problem with ‘Gratitude’ for Basic Rights
The demand for gratitude, in this context, is insidious. It implies that these rights were given as concessions, as acts of benevolence, rather than being hard-won victories against deeply entrenched systems of oppression. It suggests that merely existing free from explicit criminalization is the peak of justice, overlooking the continued struggles and the inherent dignity that should never have been denied.
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Framing Justice as a Favor: When basic human rights (like the right to marry, to vote, to exist without fear of violence, to control one’s own body) are framed as something to be “grateful” for, it infantilizes the marginalized group and elevates the power of those who once denied those rights. It undermines the tireless activism, the sacrifices, and the sheer bravery of countless individuals who fought for these very freedoms.
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Ignoring Ongoing Discrimination: This narrative often dismisses the reality that while some battles have been won, systemic discrimination and prejudice persist. Celebrating progress without acknowledging remaining inequities can lull society into complacency, stifling further efforts for true equality. For example, marriage equality is enshrined, but anti-LGBTQ+ legislation (especially targeting trans individuals) is surging at unprecedented rates across the U.S.
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Diminishing the Inherent Worth: Ultimately, demanding gratitude for basic rights undermines the fundamental principle that every human being is born with inherent worth and dignity. Rights are not gifts from a benevolent majority; they are foundational elements of what it means to be a free and equal citizen.
Who is Expected to Be ‘Grateful’? A Look at the Unequal Burden
The expectation of “gratitude” disproportionately falls on marginalized communities, highlighting the very inequities they continue to face.
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Women and Bodily Autonomy: Women, for instance, are constantly reminded of the “progress” made, yet the freedom of their bodily autonomy remains a contentious battleground. The overturning of Roe v. Wade fundamentally stripped away a federally protected right that had been in place for nearly 50 years, leaving reproductive freedom to the whims of individual states. To be told now that women should be “grateful” for what little access might remain in some areas, or for the ability to seek care across state lines (often at immense personal and financial cost), is a profound insult. They should have always had full control over their own bodies, a basic element of human freedom.
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Racial and Ethnic Minorities: Despite the Civil Rights Movement, the fight for racial justice is far from over. Systemic racism persists in housing, employment, criminal justice, and wealth accumulation. To be told that Black Americans or other racial minorities should be “grateful” for the right to vote (which was hard-won and is still under attack through voter suppression tactics), or for the end of overt segregation, ignores the ongoing impacts of historical oppression, the persistent racial wealth gap, and the daily microaggressions and biases that permeate society. The right to exist, thrive, and be treated equally should have always been fundamental, not a hard-won victory in the late 20th century.
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The LGBTQ+ Community: For my community, the narrative is particularly acute. Marriage equality, while a monumental victory, did not erase decades of discrimination, trauma (like my own experience of being outed and abused in a “pray the gay away” camp), or the current wave of anti-trans legislation. To be told, “You can get married now, so what else do you want?” dismisses the persistent reality of living in states where my identity might be criminalized, where I might face discrimination in housing or employment, or where my chosen family might not be fully protected. My right to simply exist without fear, to be treated with dignity, and to form a family was never a “gift”; it was a fundamental human right denied for far too long.
Looking Beyond ‘Gratitude’ to a Horizon of True Equality
The insistence on gratitude serves to maintain the power imbalance. It suggests that those who once held all the power have bestowed a kindness, and now the recipients should be satisfied. But justice is not a kindness; it is a necessity.
Instead of focusing on demanding gratitude, we should:
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Acknowledge the Struggle, Not Just the Victory: Understand that progress is often the result of immense sacrifice, relentless advocacy, and profound suffering by marginalized communities.
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Recognize Remaining Gaps: Be honest about the work yet to be done. Marriage equality doesn’t mean the end of homophobia. The Civil Rights Act didn’t end racism. Legal abortion doesn’t mean equal access to reproductive healthcare.
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Demand Full Equality as a Baseline: Advocate for a future where rights are inherent and universal, not something to be earned, granted, or be “grateful” for. This means robust legal protections, systemic changes, and a cultural shift towards genuine inclusion.
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Embrace Discomfort in Dialogue: True progress often requires uncomfortable conversations. We must be willing to challenge complacent narratives, even when it means disrupting polite discourse. The fight for justice isn’t always neat or pleasant.
As I celebrate my 40th birthday next month in San Francisco, a city that has long championed radical acceptance, and as I meet a very special person I’ve been talking to romantically (fingers crossed!), my hope for the future is not just for more “historic firsts.” My deepest hope is for a time when fundamental rights are so deeply woven into the fabric of society that we no longer need to celebrate them as “firsts,” but simply live them as everyday realities. A time when every individual can live authentically, love freely, and thrive without being asked to be “grateful” for rights they should have been born with. That will be the true sign of a society that has truly matured.
What are your thoughts on the narrative of “gratitude” for rights? Where do you see the biggest remaining gaps in equality? Share your perspective below – let’s keep this Social Swarm Speak generating crucial dialogue and pushing for a truly equitable horizon for all!